I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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