My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
