Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
