took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
