last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize