u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
