man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
