I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
