he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
