We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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