6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
