He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
