I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
