just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
