Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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