Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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