It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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