If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
