I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
