Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
