i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize