it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
