That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
