I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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