Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
