Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
