It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
