In the future we'll all be gay
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize