well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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