I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
