i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ttyl tear gas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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