Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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