Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to calm my uterus...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
