Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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