didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
