I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
