Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
