I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i drank out of a bidet.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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