I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
