i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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