im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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