if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
