My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
