I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize