You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
