you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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