Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
