Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize