i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
