Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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