nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
