How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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