A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
