She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
