erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
