i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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