2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
