Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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