About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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