Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
