I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
