Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
