i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
