before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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