yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
