Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Porn is love you can see.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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