He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
