You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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