I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
