i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
